He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
