I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
