ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
