i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
