I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
