He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
