Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
