i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
