Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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