Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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