dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
