you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
