Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
