omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
