I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
