i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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