A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
