I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
