Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We need to feng shui this bitch.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
