When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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