I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
