u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
