i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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