two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
