I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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