So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
These tits shall not be calmed
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
