Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
