guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
