There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
