she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
