Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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