Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
