We won't sleep together?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
did i just pee glitter
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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