The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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