i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
