You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
