The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
