haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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