Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
