I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
