we're blogging at a bar
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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