One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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