pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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