u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
