Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
