I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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