Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
