you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
