just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
