you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
