Your mouth is God's brothel.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
